My Village
Since graduating from high school 34 years ago, I’ve moved about 16 times, spanning 5 states and 10 cities. No, I’m not in the military; I’ve just moved a lot!
Because I’ve relocated so frequently, my village is quite spread out. I no longer live in the city or state where I grew up. My beloved hometown sits several states away, and my family no longer resides there. I haven’t been “home” in over 20 years.
From each place, I’ve been blessed enough to make least one friend who remains in my “village.” I’ve carried their presence in my heart over the years. They are truly the best.
My former husband and I began the adoption process in 2004, which led to my daughter’s adoption. As we started this journey, I connected with a local adoption Yahoo Group. Remember those? They became my lifeline throughout the process. In that local group, I met someone with whom I would literally raise my children—though not in the same house, we raised these kids over the phone.
At times, we’ve gone months without seeing each other while living in the same town, but there have never been hurt feelings when one of us abruptly said, “Omgosh, I have to go”and exits the phone conversation. We’ve shared every phase of our children’s lives and continue to do so, spending hours discussing tough decisions, sharing hilarious stories, and calling each other to say, “I just have to cry for a second.”
Young moms, find yourself a village. Older moms do the same—even if it’s just one person. Most of my village lives nowhere near me. They are spread across Canada, California, Tennessee, Wisconsin, and I added Illinois this past year. Over the last four years, my village in Idaho has grown by one, plus her 6-7-8. Her home has become an absolute respite for me. Do I know more than 5 or 6 people? Of course. Do I have more than 5 or 6 friends? Yes! If you’re reading this, you’re likely one of them, and I truly value our connection.
My village love language often involves sending 57 reels in a row saying “EXACTLY” or “ME+YOU,” along with long audio messages and texts, and an occasional phone call and frequent swearing about all the frustrations.
I don’t remember my mom having “girlfriends” when I was growing up. Her social activities centered around my parents’ couple friends at church. I love my husband, but there are aspects of motherhood that women understand in ways men often do not. The weight we bear can be immense. Even with a helpful and wonderful husband, the mental load that moms carry can be overwhelming. Who better to help you carry that burden than your village?
Throughout my journey in motherhood and life, I’ve come to value the vital role of community. Whether it’s a quick text, a shared laugh, or a shoulder to lean on, my village helps me tackle challenges and adds a layer of hilarity to many of our experiences. Sometimes you need to laugh because if you don’t you’ll fall to pieces. Cherish your village—no matter the distance. Navigate the beautiful chaos of raising children, supporting each other through every high and low, and revel in the joy of shared adventures.